Week 1: I Can't Believe It's Not the Justice League International (JLI)

Unbeatable 116.76 vs. The JLI 85.02

Well shit. My dreams of an undefeated season ended quick. I mean, it would have been nice to start on a four or five game win streak, but you know what? There's still a lot to like here.

What I Liked (besides Jay Cutler's Smug Face)

1. Jay Cutler Did Not Suck as Hard as He Could Have

As previously mentioned, I was having fevered dreams about Dr. Cutler and Mr. Fitzpatrick single-handedly tanking my fantasy season; forever chasing the elusive Amelia Sequence to ensure the Jekyll half started while the Hyde half rots miserably in the limbo known as the Fantasy Football Bench. 19.92 points will do! Week One successful.

2. I Want to Kiss Matt Bryant

17 points from a kicker?!?! How often does a kicker get to talk shit to Running Backs and Wide Receivers? Hell, Matt Bryant gets to teabag everyone else who started for me (except Mr. Cutler of course). Four extra points and four field goals. I like Atlanta's new offense!

What I Didn't Like

1. No production AT ALL from WR

OK, start me off big time Hakeen Nicks...wait...what was that? 38 yards and no TDs. Only 3.8 points? Yikes. OK, OK. He's still recovering from a foot injury. Slow starts happen. Big Daddy Brandon Lloyd gonna go HAM on the Titans and...huh? 69 yards and no TDs? 6.9 points. Well, it's better than Nicks. I could really use a TD here so who's left? Decker? Eric freakin' Decker?! *sigh* Just put me down for 5.5 points and...oh, I'm sorry he only scored 5.4. I only started him because Denarius Moore was injured and I foolishly dumped Malcolm "12.6 points" Floyd and picked up Davone "4.5 points and my quarterback is Ryan Tannenhill" Bess. OK, not all gambles pay off. Honestly, it didn't matter because...

2. Fuck Atlanta's New Offense

My opponent started Matt Ryan and Julio Jones. The two of them combined for 55.26 points. Matt Ryan should have been mine!!! (I'm not letting that go.) Of course, the next week, Atlanta's offense will get stifled and someone else will get to benefit from it. Figures the guy who bet the farm on ATL would hit paydirt the week I play him.

Quick Hits

• -2.00 Buffalo's DEF?! Against the JETS!?!? No sacks, give up 48 points?! There are not enough question marks and exclamation points to adequately reflect how those last 3 sentences should be read. I'm sure there's some obscure japanese symbol or ASCII code I could use. Hold on...

  （╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

  That'll do

• A few roster mistakes. Should have started Bradshaw over Charles (I could see it but not too easy of a call) and Bess over Nicks (never would have in a million years). Called Graham over Gronk and Cutler over Fitzpatrick (although not as huge a gap considering Fitz threw 3 picks)

Roster Changes

• Dropped Malcolm Floyd for Davone Bess

Already touched on this mistake. Gotta fix this STAT!

• Dropped Davone Bess for Stephen Hill

Ah, there we go. Burned Buffalo for 2 TDs. Not going to happen every week but I see a nice string of Sanchez-chucks-it-up-in-his-general-direction-and-Hill-makes-the-catch plays. Just not next week against the Steelers.

• Dropped Buffalo DEF for Cincinnati DEF

Fuck you Buffalo DEF. Cincinnati's got Brandon "5.6 quarterback rating" Weeden. Oh yes, this will be TOO SWA-HEAT!!

• Dropped Isaac Redmand for Dexter McCluster

Pittsburgh's backfield is a mess. Jonathan Dwyer looks better so I don't see much value for Redman. Plus, McCluster can be either a RB or a WR. It's like I cheated the system to get my own personal flex position.

Starting Lineup for Week 2

• QB - Jay Cutler
• WR1 - Hakeem Nicks
• WR2 - Brandon Lloyd
• WR3 - Denarius Moore
• RB1 - Jamaal Charles
• RB2 - Dexter McCluster
• TE - Rob Gronkowski
• K - Matt Bryant
• DEF - Cincinnati

Conclusion

It's only week one, so not going to panic too much. Plenty of teams start 0-1 and still win it all. Just needed a little tweaking, that's all. Fingers crossed for week two. I'm putting my Fantasy Football mood at Listening to the Cure After a Bad Day at Work.